The Bug House Files

Why Miley Cyrus should beam Captain Kirk to her party

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Daily grind: it looks like Miley Cyrus won't be twerking with William Shatner at her birthday party this week

Daily grind: it looks like Miley Cyrus won’t be twerking with William Shatner at her birthday party this week

According to today’s Sunday Times, William Shatner is unlikely to attend Miley Cyrus’s 21st birthday party on Saturday. Big news from a newspaper that once broke the Thalidomide story.

If it is true, then Shatner – who lives down the road from the singer in Studio City, Los Angeles – is perhaps not as loopy as he appears. Leaked details suggest the bash, which has been arranged by LA bondage enthusiasts the Malediction Society, will put the most hedonistic parties of Emperor Caligula to shame.

Highlights include:

  • Two rooms converted into dungeons where guests can be chained to furniture and spanked, “paddled with a bat” or whipped.
  • Strings of lights shaped like penises
  • Male and female strippers

In other words, it’s pretty much what we might expect of Miley these days. I don’t profess to follow her singing career very closely, but I do read the papers. I know about the outrageous lifestyle. I am aware that she “twerked” a dwarf.

The only surprise is that she hasn’t made more of an effort to get William Shatner to attend. His singing career is one that I have followed closely and I have no doubt he would go down a storm.

Here, for example, is his version of the Bob Dylan classic Mr Tambourine Man, recorded at the height of his Star Trek fame in 1968.

This is just one of the stand-out tracks from Shatner’s seminal album The Transformed Man, which also includes a frankly hallucinatory rendition of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds. I would urge you to buy it, and indeed all of his albums. Has-Been, released in 2004, is actually quite brilliant in a genuine way.

Perhaps Miley thinks that, at 82, her neighbour is too old to mingle with the bright young things at the party. I suspect that if he did attend, Shatner would end up stealing the show –and for someone with Miley’s lust for publicity, this would never do.

Author: Jim Ford

I'm an author and journalist. "The Bug House" series of Tyneside-based crime novels is published in 2014

One thought on “Why Miley Cyrus should beam Captain Kirk to her party

  1. Oh dear, Poor Captain Kirk. That is truly awful. Perhaps he could do a rendition of Miley’s dad’s hit Achy Breaky Heart – that would really frighten off the house guests.

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